Retire Early Lifestyle
Retirement; like your parents, but way cooler

In 1991 Billy and Akaisha Kaderli retired at the age of 38. Now, into their 4th decade of this financially independent lifestyle, they invite you to take advantage of their wisdom and experience.

Shipwrecked on a Nice Beach

Billy and Akaisha Kaderli

Some say we were lucky, other’s say it was fate. Whatever it was, we returned to Chapala, Mexico.  

Then the wheels of the cart fell off.

Akaisha had been dealing with back soreness for months. She had acupuncture treatments and massage in Thailand. Chiropractic and laser light therapies in Arizona. Everything seemed to help indicating we were going in the right direction for her issue.   

We’ve all had it. Lower back pain, stiffness, some lack of motion, treated with NSAIDS, heating pad and TENS unit and core strengthening. A little bed rest and soon we are healed. Sometimes days, sometimes weeks but it does pass for most of us.           

Our travel plans always were to return to Mexico after our latest Asia trip, then make our way to the Caribbean in December or January for four months. Everything was set, friends joining us, condo in the islands secured but not paid, flights researched and visions of da islands dancing in our heads.   

 * Everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face. - Mike Tyson *

The famous boxer, Mike Tyson, once said, “Everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face” Well, we were punched hard, very hard!

Flights, treatments, new surprises

Akaisha finished her treatments in Arizona, and about a week before flying, she was still doing yoga and core strengthening exercises.

But her lower back pain continued.

She was sitting at the airport like always, loaded up on non-inflammatory meds, although I helped carry some of her gear through the terminal. Then the 2.5 hour flight and immigration and customs were all uneventful. Taxi ride home was fine and we had already arranged for our doctor to meet us the following day at our place because her walking was becoming more limited.

He gave her a shot of a muscle relaxer in the butt and the next day she said this was the best she had felt in months. Wonderful, now just continue treatment and she will be back on the road to recovery. The doctor also asked for us to get an MRI at a local hospital which we arranged for a couple of days later. It's super easy and flexible here regarding scans and appointments.

The results were sent to us via email and they showed some dark spots on her spine.   

Oh my!

* The results of the MRI were sent to us via email and they showed some dark spots on her spine.*

Could they be the results of the laser treatments in Arizona or was there some other explanation? She had a mastectomy 18 months prior and had been checked for cancer and was clean.

So what’s going on here? 

We sent her MRI results to our oncologist and surgeon in Guadalajara and he suggested a CT scan. Wanting not to panic and letting Dr Oscar’s injection work, we scheduled the CT scan for a couple of weeks later. Then her pain level and mobility quickly took a turn for the worst in a matter of days.

We decided to move up the CT scan date, and at this point she could hardly walk. We had to pay the Red Cross to bring her to the hospital in an ambulance as laying on her back was her only comfortable position.

My head was spinning as everything was happening so fast.

Shrimp and Mussel Soup - Billy cooks gourmet for Akaisha daily

Her pain was off the charts by now and could hardly lay for the scan. They decided to move her to another facility where things got interesting fast.

The doctor there, Dr. Aziz, did his best to comfort her while he was waiting for the scan results. He didn’t know what to give her not having the info, so they used OTC meds. Meanwhile blood was drawn for testing. The results came in and he pulled me aside into a private office.

She has a kidney infection which is causing her the spike in pain and they will treat her for this. But! She has many lesions on her spine and her S1 vertebrae is fractured. Also he saw a tumor on her Kidney.

 WTF?

We were told with the radiation treatments she had for the breast cancer that she had a 5 year success rate, of the cancer not coming back. At this point, we were only one year out.

Two weeks since arriving in Chapala our world turned upside down.

Akaisha is 90% bed bound, and I am now her primary caregiver, something we talked about before but that was always in the future. After all, we are the same age, and statistically I would be going down first.

But that’s not how it happened.

One never knows the future, do we?   

* Things were happening so fast, I finally told everyone: STOP! Let’s all take a breath and think things through more thoroughly. *

Pasta Bolognese with Andouille Sausage

Over the next weeks there was much discussion with surgeons, oncologists and doing my own research educating myself on our best path forward. The doctors all want to doctor, the surgeons all want to cut and we are having long tear-filled talks about our future together which seemed to be shortening by the hour.

Things were happening so fast, I finally told everyone: STOP! Let’s all take a breath and think things through more thoroughly.

Over the days the kidney infection was knocked back which gave more time to analyze. She has a very complicated case - but the lower back pain, unable to sit or stand very long - for us was the most pressing issue to resolve.

At this point trying to transport her to Guadalajara for major surgery was out of the question. Akaisha also told me no chemo or radiation to which I agreed. Neither one of us want her to die in the hospital or in a nursing home.

Grilled Home-Dried Aged Sirloin with Prawns and Chimi-Churi

Palliative care

We had more extensive Whats-app conversations with the oncologist, understanding that we have three requests:

Her comfort, lower to no pain, and staying with me are our priorities.

He completely understood and referred us to a pain management doctor who came to our place to examine Akaisha and recommend a treatment for pain. She was here well over one hour and as I walked her to her car, I straight up asked - in her opinion - how much time does she have?

She said three months. WOW!

I wasn't ready for that.

There are few things that I keep from Akaisha regarding what is going on with her situation, medicines and treatments. However this info I kept to myself and her sisters.

 * I straight up asked - in her opinion - how much time does she have? * 

It was very difficult for me as I was watching her rapid decline and I could barely keep it together. Forty-eight years together, and I was a mess trying to make plans for the day she flies away.

More discussions with her oncologist, and I asked him the same question based on the scans and blood work. We all know that’s there’s only the Good Lord that knows this answer, however he said not more than one year. Well, that gave me a little more breathing room.

BTW, we are coming up on the 3-month window and she is doing much better.

This all happened mid-December.

Akaisha enjoying Eating Good in the Hood

Since then, I’ve met with an orthopedic surgeon who referred me to his brother, a urologist surgeon.

He, too, came to our place due to Akaisha’s lack of mobility. He examined her and the scans and recommended a stent be put in - because the tumor was pressing on her urethra tube causing issues for her kidney backing up which is what took her down previously. He wanted us to come to his office to do a sonogram. Fortunately, this was located just behind our complex.

We made arrangements for the following week to be there.   

We are blessed with very good neighbors who pitch in whenever we need something. Our good friend Ron, helped me get her down the stairs, out the back gate and to the urologist office. The sonogram was performed and the doctor recommended a less invasive style of stent placement which we had discussed with him prior and had agreed to. Unfortunately, we needed to go to Guadalajara because they have best, up-to-date, scanning equipment at San Javier hospital.

My perspective

It’s like our boat has multiple leaks.

Lesions on her spine causing deterioration and lack of mobility and pain, tumor pinching her kidney drainage tube with urine backing up, and fluid accumulating at her mastectomy area. All of this happened fast, waaay too fast!

Keeping a firm hand on the tiller, navigating this medical storm, my head is filled with medical terms and my phone has more doctor’s numbers than friends.

This is NUTS!

Everything is arranged in Guadalajara hospital for the stent procedure as well as an agreed upon laser ablation treatment to help with pain due to a tumor at the L4-L5 vertebrae. They deaden the outer nerve receptors that signal pain to the brain while leaving the main nerve that controls muscle movements. Both procedures are noninvasive with a chance of returning to Chapala the same day.

Our good friend Donna - who has 33 years experience as an emergency room nurse in the US - offered to drive us there as her car’s passenger seat reclines enough to allow Akaisha to be comfortable. She was a HUGE help asking questions to the doctors and describing everything to me in simple terms including options, benefits and risk/reward.

Akaisha is ready for the next treatment!

Akaisha ended up staying one night in the hospital and, although there’s a hide-a-bed with full bedding included in our stay for me, I was invited to stay with a friend in his nearby apartment. My head needed to be cleared from the overload of medical terms and treatments.

I needed a break.

The procedures went fine and we hired a larger Uber car for her comfort to return home the following morning.

About 30 minutes into the one hour plus trip, Akaisha is comfortable and traffic is manageable.

My phone starts going off. Friends in Chapala are alerting me that there are large demonstrations blocking all roads into Chapala. Well, not wanting to panic, I figured that by the time we arrived the police would have dealt with the protesters and everything would be fine.

NOT!

North of Chapala we are diverted to what we call the by-pass road routing us to the west of Chapala. Akaisha is still in la-la-land from meds, and the driver has no clue as to what to do. Meanwhile I am checking my phone seeing the blockades on Google maps and creating a plan, as I know many back roads in the area. We are once again heading to Chapala when we are side-tracked. 

* I have to get her home as her comfort level is starting to decrease. *

Plan C

I have to get her home as her comfort level is starting to decrease.

Driving into the hills deep into the “hood” above Chapala, I continue instructing the driver, turn here, turn there, go straight.

We find the clear road down the hill taking us into the heart of Chapala. A couple of more back streets to stay off the main road and Ron has the back gate open and is ready to help.

We’re home!

Two plus hours of more stress and I was ready to collapse.

The next day we realized we both received a parting gift from the hospital.

You  know, that nasty flu that went around. Now, Akaisha has a 104 fever. Not knowing if she is rejecting the stent, I stop in to Dr. Oscar’s office. He is cool calm and collected, taking me in between waiting patients, asking me questions and directing me to what meds she needs to be on. 

Her fever breaks within 24 hours and I am greatly relieved. I feel like each time I patch one leak, another one opens.

As you can imagine, this is a horrible, helpless feeling.

Oh God. The next thing

You can’t keep a good woman down, and a day or two later, I am working at my desk and watching Akaisha standing in the kitchen. I see her holding on the sink and I ask if she’s ok? No answer. She’s frozen there! Not speaking. I have my hand on her back. I turn away for a moment and she collapses like a wet rag on the floor.

Our boat just ran aground.

She now can hear me and I tell her not to move. I call Ron. It’s 6:00 AM and he immediately comes to our door. The two of us lift her slowly so as not to do more harm than good. Remember her lower spine is fragile and we get her back in bed.

OMG!

Please Lord, give me strength to get through this. She doesn’t remember any of this.

Mentally, I am a wreck.   

I’m broken.

The storm

At this point I tell her I have nothing left, between her health issues, going to and from the hospital, her collapsing I feel like I am losing her fast and I have nothing more to give. She brings up the idea that I need to put her in a home so that I have more of a life.

NO!

That’s not our agreement and as I mentioned, I do not want her dying in a home or hospital. “You are staying here with me! We will get through this.”

Akaisha continues to improve in the coming days and Donna comes to visit and describes to Akaisha what happened and the probable cause of her passing out. It certainly scared the heck out of me.

Soon we hire Lori, a lady who comes six days a week for two hours in the morning. She’s a mother and wife and I’ve known her for years. She takes to the tasks like a duck in water which is a HUGE help to me. 

Sigh... the next procedure

Before we left the hospital in Guadalajara, Dr. Alejandro told me that the serum from her breast was tested at the last drainage Akaisha had, and there’s a fungus inside, probable cause of her fluid buildup and once we get settled in Chapala we should have this surgically cleaned.

Akaisha and I discuss this and neither one of us are in a rush to go to another hospital. We decide to give her some time to heal from the stent placement and ablation.

BTW, the ablation did not work. We tried, they tried, but it didn’t help with her sitting or standing. Darn!

Now a month from the last procedure, I start making calls to doctors about her breast cleansing. The original doctor, Dr. Omar who did the last drainage, decides I need a surgeon and connects me to him.

It could not be any easier with these doctors. Everyone is on Whatsapp, any scans or blood test I can send to all of her doctors, so everyone is up-to-date, and I call them if needed. Yes, this is their personal phone numbers and yes, they answer and return calls.

Everything is in place, and Donna once again takes us to our local hospital for the procedure. I wait with Akaisha while they are monitoring her vitals and she is taken to the surgery. The surgeon, Dr. Miguel Zaragoza, told me this procedure should take about one hour, so I take the opportunity to run some errands at nearby places.

Everything went well.

Dr. Zaragoza told me the details of his findings and culture, and lab tests will be ready in ten days.

So now we wait.

This is where were are at the moment. Akaisha is doing well, eating full meals and seems to have stabilized, including replacing the weight she lost through having the flu.

Because she can no longer go out to restaurants for lunch and socialization, I invite friends here and cook for them. This way, she sees new people other than me and Lori and this gives her much pleasure catching up with friends.

It’s been one hell of a hectic intense ride the last three months, but we are making the best of a demanding situation and we even sip a fine tequila in the evenings some days to celebrate each other.

Chapala, Mexico is where our ship ran a ground and we could not be in a better place to go through this life adventure together to the beautiful end. 

Retire Early Lifestyle appeals to a different kind of person – the person who prizes their independence, values their time, and who doesn’t want to mindlessly follow the crowd.

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