Retire Early Lifestyle
Retirement; like your parents, but way cooler

In 1991 Billy and Akaisha Kaderli retired at the age of 38. Now, into their 4th decade of this financially independent lifestyle, they invite you to take advantage of their wisdom and experience.

Getting things in order - My Letter to Family

My intimate Journey with Cancer Part 9

Billy and Akaisha Kaderli

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Note from Akaisha:

My Dear Readers,

These notes and the letter below were written in July/August of 2024 when I was receiving my mastectomy. I still wanted to share this part of my story with you, but I will end this series here. 

 So much has happened in these recent three short weeks that my life and how I am living it has changed forever. I literally went from walking around, going to the grocery store in Mesa, Az. trudging through the airport and carrying my gear, and arriving in Chapala unscathed - to not being able to stand, walk, climb stairs or get out of bed without assistance.

Truthfully? It was agony.

Before I knew it, I was in the hospital with an MRI and CT scan, and a palliative care nurse was managing my pain. My decline was so rapid, that Billy went to a funeral home to discuss death certificates, cremation, and how to transport my ashes internationally to my sisters in the States.

I  gave Billy my information to my financial accounts, addresses and phone numbers to insurances we carry, health insurances in the states, charge cards that I hold and every conceivable thing we could think of.

It was overwhelming and immediate.

Death was looming at our front door.

Our Oncologist and general doctors were telling Billy they were sorry that I was in this situation and the palliative care nurse - though kind - mentioned something about maybe 3 months more to live.

Billy was devastated and was trying to hold on to the tiller of our ship in troubled waters...

Sobbing, he'd say to me "What's going on? I want my wife back! I love you, don't leave me!"

My God.

What WAS  going on?

Well things have improved and I'll tell you about that in another story.

Meanwhile, I still had hopes of sharing how smoothly the mastectomy operation went in the foreign country of Mexico, and how my surgeon told me I was singing Jimmy Buffet in the operating room (No kidding)! He was happy that I was joyous to still be alive and not take my anger out on him that now I was missing a breast... My surgeon told me that was quite unusual and unexpected.

I wanted to share with you how side effects of medicines can alter a patient, with pains, sensations and changing bodily functions that those who are not on these medications never know about!

A lesson in compassion - at least for me.

And lastly, but very important, I wanted to illustrate how a patient loses control of their personal autonomy, and how subtly but very consistently, respect for the individual patient diminishes to almost nothing.

Billy and I fought hard for the recognition of my personhood during radiation treatments - and we won.

But that didn't change the circumstances of those others (a young girl with brain cancer who sat next to me, and older patients who were weak beyond imagining, sitting limply in a chair) who were waiting, waiting, waiting, needlessly for their appointment to receive their "Life-saving" treatment - all due to clerical errors and office mismanagement.

I was seething, seeing the waste of patients' precious moments of life. "They need a Nurse Ratchett here to organize this place." I said under my breath to Billy. "It's just so unfair to them."

Maybe I'll still be able to share those stories, but for now, please read the ending of my Mastectomy series with a letter I wrote to my Family, letting them know for the first time, that I had Stage 3 Breast Cancer.

Beautiful white sandbar on the Mosquito Coast, Holbox, Mexico

July, 2024

As I mentioned previously, my approach to this whole situation was “This is as easy as I will allow it. Take your foot off the break and move forward.”

This attitude had been very helpful for me and for everyone around me. I could feel people watching me - “How is she doing? Is she ok? Is she depressed? What's going on? I'm so sorry...”

I had also decided early on in my journey - back in June during our stay in Thailand - that if Cancer, mastectomy, death, - whatever – was the path I was walking, then I was going to make the absolute best of it. I wanted this to be “the best thing that ever happened to me.” I was determined about this.

I figured the wisest and most sensible approach that I could do for myself, Billy and my loved ones was to choose to take care of my mental and emotional well-being and not drag them over and over into an emotional meltdown day after day.        

My Letter to My Family

Dear Family,

I have been given the diagnosis of breast cancer in my right breast.

Billy and I have been actively dealing with this medical situation for a couple of months, and I have already seen 6 doctors – 3 of which are oncologists, and 2 who practice Chinese medicine.  

As you can imagine, my days have been filled with tests of various sorts: sonograms, x-rays, blood tests, a biopsy, examinations, doctor appointments, and consultations.

It has been an emotional roller coaster and a real lesson in focusing on the positive. Billy has been my rock of support, day and night, and I am grateful beyond words.

We spoke with an oncologist yesterday who was very encouraging. I have more blood tests and an MRI of my breast early tomorrow morning in Guadalajara.

Depending on the result of certain markers, this will determine the course of treatment.

Dr. Fernando assured us that breast cancer is not the “death sentence” it used to be and that – depending on this and that, including those markers I mentioned above – I should be ok.

There will be a mastectomy soon and then hopefully a reconstruction in the future, so that I will have 2 breasts instead of simply one.

So, to answer a couple of questions that I'm sure you must have…

No, I won’t be going to the US for medical care – we really like the team that is forming here. I feel cared for and these doctors are educated and professional.

No, I don’t know when I might be visiting AZ again due to the operation, recuperation and then whether or not I need to take chemo or do another course of treatment. I am hoping to visit AZ in the Spring…

I believe the mastectomy will be scheduled shortly, after we get the results of the tests tomorrow. And then, of course, there is the recovery.

If I don’t have to take chemo, then Billy and I can resume our travel schedule, going to the Caribbean in October/November and Paris next year. Again, I am hoping to visit you all in the spring… and I don’t know when or if the reconstruction will be done. There will be recovery time with that also, but we are not there yet.  

I would have written sooner to share all of this, but

            We didn’t want to worry anyone needlessly and

            We didn’t have enough information to tell you what was going on.

We painted a marine fantasy on the back wall of my one sister's home in Santa Cruz, California. Here we are, standing in front of our masterpiece!

We have run the gamut in terms of possibilities and emotions – will I die in 4 months? Or will I still have years to live?

After speaking with Dr. Fernando yesterday, things are looking brighter.

LeAna, you probably guessed or at least sensed that “something” was going on… I am not usually as evasive with you (on the phone) as I have been lately – but again, “I will tell you when I know more” --- and now I know more.

My approach to this situation is that I want it to be the “best thing that has ever happened to me.” Already I am learning a great deal in terms of perspectives and am learning new tools to help with my anxiety and fear. I feel as though I am growing and becoming stronger mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

So, it’s all good.

Please don’t worry. I know… easier said than done – but if you really want to do something for me, I have some suggestions below, and I am hoping some of them might appeal.

You more than likely know some “prayer warriors” and I would like to be placed on prayer lists.

If you pray for me yourself, please pray for me as having already been healed. (Thank you God, for having restored complete health to my sister, Akaisha. We are grateful…) – something like that. If you pray for me to be healed, it will keep the healing to happen some time in the future. I want the healing to have been done. Then I receive it now.

When you scratch the belly of your dogs or behind their ears, that wonderful love you share with your pet – send me that feeling.

When you have a lovely meal that your spouse has prepared and it’s so yummy and it’s so gratifying – send me that feeling.

When you enjoy the sunrise with the light coming over the mountains in your back yards, the pinks, golds, silvers and grays… and the magic and mystery of nature, God and peace fills you… send me that feeling.

When you hear a favorite song or watch someone dancing who is so talented that you get chills down your arms… send me that feeling.

When you laugh so hard you pee your pants – send me that feeling.

You get the idea, right?

Thanks so much. This is what I want.

I’d like to wrap this up by saying that in the darker days of the early diagnosis (we saw this one oncologist in Thailand whom we nicknamed “Dr. Death”) I thought over my time with each of you as my family.

And even with my particular human imperfections, I have given you my best and I am satisfied.

So, yeah… I no longer have to keep a secret from you since the path forward seems to be clearer and more hope-filled and Light-filled.

If you are curious, you can ask me anything. We don’t want pity, negativity, fear, or death pictures in your head… Just remember, when you are feeling the love of Gretchen and Bug… (my sisters' dogs) think of me and send me that glorious feeling.

I love you all.

Your Sister and Sister-in-Law,

Akaisha

Retire Early Lifestyle appeals to a different kind of person – the person who prizes their independence, values their time, and who doesn’t want to mindlessly follow the crowd.

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