Retire Early Lifestyle
Retirement; like your parents, but way cooler

In 1991 Billy and Akaisha Kaderli retired at the age of 38. Now, into their 4th decade of this financially independent lifestyle, they invite you to take advantage of their wisdom and experience.

How I handled the Emotional and Mental Chaos

My Intimate Journey with Cancer Part 4

Billy and Akaisha Kaderli

Lotus Flower

A Visual Image, Our Approach to what was happening, and Women throughout the Ages

Summary of previous posts:

After discovering a mass in my breast in Mexico, we went on our scheduled trip to Japan. There we made appointments via email at Chiang Mai Ram Hospital in Chiang Mai, Thailand to have this suspicious “bump” in my breast checked out. 

While I was waiting for test results of my breast tissue at Chiang Mai Ram hospital, I scheduled three appointments at a well-known Chinese Medicine clinic called Mungkala. I also looked for shops which offered traditional Thai massages in order to release mental, emotional and physical tension. 

However, on my first of three scheduled “unblocking-my-chi” appointments, I had a very disturbing image of my breast while I was under treatment. So I went home and told Billy about it.

I found myself getting angry as a defense mechanism to what was happening in my life. But Billy was a rock of support for me – another gift I gratefully received.

He didn’t chastise me nor demand that I “pull myself together!”

He didn’t criticize.

I could see the pain in his eyes also and he’d say “We’re in this together. We’ll work this out together.”

I still tear up when I think of his unwavering support.

Our approach to what was happening

At this point in our journey, it reminds me of people whose houses burn down in a forest blaze. Or people who lose everything in a major flood or earthquake. The shock is jarring and sometimes devastating.

We were discombobulated and trying to gain focus in order to function on a daily basis.

Billy went straight to numbers, percentages, statistics and treatments – all of this being his comfort zone.

I tried to find psychological and spiritual tools to help me emotionally get through this. I knew clearly, that if I lost my mental clarity and my vigor for life, we’d both go down.

I also knew I couldn't do this alone, and I needed Billy's focus and practicality.

We determined that we were each going to bring our strengths to this situation and thrive – No matter what.

Oh. My. God.

How did all this happen? How did we get here?

Meanwhile, Daily life in Thailand

One of the great things about living in Thailand is the availability of affordable Thai massages.

We were fairly stressed out due to this new twist in the road of our lives, and getting Thai massages was a boon. It took away our tension and emptied our minds of distressing thoughts.

I wandered the streets and sois of Chiang Mai for a change of scenery. Since I could no longer lie on my stomach comfortably, I was searching for a place that did head/shoulder/back massages and I located one on Loi Kroh Road. This was outside the Ancient Walled City of Chiang Mai, where our hotel was located. 

The masseuse did a wonderful job, and since this was a shoulder massage, she reached down into my chest region.

The pain we carry in our bodies

Massaging the breasts in Thailand is common for a masseuse doing this area of the body. Since I don't speak Thai, I brought her hand to my right breast to have her feel the lump, and motioning to her not to touch it, as it was painful. I explained by sign language that my left breast could be massaged, but not the right.

Even though my left breast is healthy, it always surprises me to learn how much pain we hold in our bodies in various places.

Little in common but our female humanity

She pressed and worked my left breast and the far reaches of my right.

As she was doing this, my mind wandered to “women of the world” in general. I thought of females of different races, the centuries of time that humanity itself has endured, and the various cultures spanning the globe... At the same time I was very attuned to how this woman was caring for me right here in the now.

We didn’t speak the same language, yet our womanliness united us.

I reflected about all the things that women have traditionally done – having children, caring for their families, feeding them, and tending to the elderly as they pass on. This is a nurturing ability that so many women possess, and culturally, this task is often designated to women to perform.

I wondered about her mom, and her mom’s mom – all up her genetic and cultural line. And I wondered about her daughter and any female children that daughter might have now or in the future.

I considered how women throughout the ages have carried burdens – their own as well as the emotional pain of others.

We are the female receptive energy in the world, we have a vital role to play, a unique and sacred place, and we are an energetic piece of the fabric of the whole.

During the massage this became an awareness, an acceptance and a realization - not an anger or a blame feeling - but rather an incredible insight for which I was grateful.

I felt deepened and “carved out” as a spiritual human, feeling honored and noble to be part of the Matrix of Life.

I was tearing up a bit over this physical release coupled with intuitive wisdom - and again, I was grateful for it.

Moving on to what I did to strengthen my mind and spirit, Part 5 Click here.

Retire Early Lifestyle appeals to a different kind of person – the person who prizes their independence, values their time, and who doesn’t want to mindlessly follow the crowd.

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