Retire Early Lifestyle
Retirement; like your parents, but way cooler

In 1991 Billy and Akaisha Kaderli retired at the age of 38. Now, into their 4th decade of this financially independent lifestyle, they invite you to take advantage of their wisdom and experience.

I want to retire and move to Portugal, but my spouse has concerns

A Q&A with a Reader

Billy and Akaisha Kaderli

Sunset in Chacala Beach, Nayarit, Mexico

Billy & Akaisha:

This is a concern which I'm sure you've addressed in your past newsletters but hope you'll answer for me. I sincerely appreciate you(pl) taking the time to answer my emails personally and taking the time to respond so promptly and thoroughly. It seems you(pl) understand/appreciate concerns and questions people have and I'm sure I speak for many when I say that we express a huge THANK YOU!!!!

My spouse, Kathy (age 64), seems to be concerned about the culture shock and loss of "normality" when leaving the U.S. for another country for retirement. I've tried to relate that 'normal' is relative depending on the country, that we can do without our luxury autos and rely on public transportation (she learned this when I talked her into an Ireland trip [early May '24] without a rental car, a backpack each, and using trains/bus/taxi for all transportation modes!), that we can shop three times a week at the local grocery and eat more fresh/local (without a freezer/refrig stocked for weeks supply), etc. But, she still seems reluctant to actually commit to making the move to let's say Portugal.

I'm ready to make the move since no children, I'm retired from Federal Gov't (with its favorable pension plan!), receive SS, and have my TSP, spouse's substantial 401k (she is currently working and wants to retire in 1-2 years), and IRA's (mostly Roth now since I'm performing annual conversions from Trad to Roth) and MOST IMPORTANTLY-- I'm concerned about what’s going on in our country at this time.

I also realize that there aren’t the "Golden Visa" opportunities that there once were in various countries, but I think an area like the Portugal Algarve region (which I've heard is becoming quite the European/American expat area with its incumbent support systems, etc.) would be something that wouldn't be so much of a "culture shock" that Kathy seems to be most anxious about.  Any advice/recommendations to offer (specifically your opinions/views on Algarve region, generally about Kathy's anxiety about retiring in another culture/country)?

Michael

The Faraglioni Formation, Aci Trezza, Sicily 

Hi Michael,

Thank you for taking the time to write, and to share your concerns regarding your upcoming retirement.

Also, you are quite welcome to our services – we are happy that you continue to follow us and utilize our information.

You are correct in that we receive many emails from our Readers regarding the fears of retiring – whether it is in their home state or in another region of the US. Moving to another country can seem to be an even larger leap, but the principles are the same.

I have given you a list of tips below to make this change a little smoother and hopefully, to give your wife both confidence and calm.

Retiring can be stressful

Firstly, the act of Retiring is considered to be stressful in and of itself because it changes your routine. Perhaps the modification in spousal roles and expectations isn’t clear which can cause conflict. Spending too much time together can also create a challenge, especially if one spouse is used to having more time alone or more independence, and then… retirement comes along and there is “no place to hide” so to speak.

If you change residence, this adds to the stress whether or not you are upgrading, downsizing, moving to a new neighborhood or across the ocean to a new country. In this case, expect some hiccups – one cannot get rid of decades of cherished items all at once, and one needs to prepare.

There are all sorts of articles on how to declutter effectively and with less anxiety and grief.

Take a look at some of these books, articles, and videos online. It’s a process, this letting go.

Woman arranging flowers in Vietnam 

Managing your newfound time

Another important item to address is what you will each do with your newfound time. This is very significant, as we find that those who don’t make a list or put forethought into what will fill their days with satisfaction have a tendency to become depressed. There is no need for this, if you prepare. And sometimes, “too much togetherness” is… well… too much togetherness.

Perhaps you could list all the things you want to do, places you want to see, and things you want to learn. Embracing a “growth mindset” will not only smooth your path, but it will keep you young.

It’s essential to pursue your hobbies, stay engaged in society and be open to building new connections.

Leaving what you might consider to be “normalcy” can be exciting and reinvigorating. The newness can be refreshing as you bicycle down a small lane or walk to different markets, visiting vendors who will serve you personally. If you make friends with them and treat them with joy and respect, they will let you know when something tasty or unusual has come in to their store. It can be quite fun, actually.

Validating your partner’s fears

Michael, you must validate Kathy’s fears. One thing a woman hates is to be dismissed or think that her concerns are “small potatoes” when actually she could be struggling inside and not know how to handle it or where to begin.

You could show her the finances. Demonstrate how you have been tracking your spending and that your expenses could easily be covered by Dividends, Social Security, your TSP and so on.

This is also important, as it gives a framework of security and can calm down fears of no longer receiving a steady paycheck or “having to penny-pinch” when your finances could actually support a comfortable lifestyle.

Focus on what can be controlled in your lives, not fear-based, what-if external circumstances outside of you.

Isla Holbox Sandbars Mosquito Point Yucatan, Mexico

The value of Expat Forums

If you are actually considering a move to – say, Portugal, - be sure to research on the Expat Forums available to you. These forums are filled with excellent, current information by those who are living there and have gone through the moving and transition process you are looking to do.

You can ask questions about immigration, apartment or housing rental, access to medical care, social groups with things you have in common, taking classes in cooking, language or painting… anything that might interest you.

Here are two pages of Expat forums – and remember, the same is available for Spain, France, Italy and so on.

Expat forums in Portugal

Expat forums in Algarve, Portugal

Focus on benefits of this change

Focus on the benefits of doing this move to Europe. She might only be concentrating on what she will be losing or missing, and can’t think further ahead to something wonder-filled and life-altering in a positive fashion.

You could even stress the money you’d be saving by giving up the luxury cars, large house and some facets of your current lifestyle that you have outgrown. By simplifying your lifestyle, sometimes you can actually have more.

In terms of transportation options available, don’t forget about Uber, Didi, Grab, and Bolt. These are all affordable ride shares that take minutes to arrive and will take you anywhere. Especially if you have packages of groceries that are heavy like melons, liters of wine, oranges or cleaning liquids.

Botero's Curvy Lady of Cartagena, Santo Domingo Plaza, Colombia 

Don’t push your partner

I would also say to give her room to commit to doing a lifestyle change such as this. Plan to go to your desired location for at least a month and try it out.

You may think you’d like to live in “X” but actually the town just down the road suits you better. It’s a bit of an experiment, but it can be great fun, once you hit your stride and start to understand what you are looking for. It will be a unique rhythm that you are developing, one that is tailored just to you.

Even if you find Paradise, it’s good to remember that Retirement isn’t a panacea. Stress doesn’t stop, it only changes form.

Below are several articles we have written which may also shed light on your upcoming adventure.

There Are Two Paths to FIRE

Why Your House Is a Terrible Investment

Preparing Your Portfolio for Retirement? Income Is So Yesterday

The 4% Withdrawal

Having Flexibility in Your Retirement; An asset worth investing in

There are plenty more available. Take a look at our Retirement Page as well as our Commentary Page.

This information should give you a good start in preparing for a wonderful life-change. Why not encourage Kathy to switch into excitement instead of fear?

If you have any questions, feel free to write.

Wishing you both the very best on your upcoming retirement.

Stay in touch, and let us know how you are doing.

Akaisha and Billy

Retire Early Lifestyle appeals to a different kind of person – the person who prizes their independence, values their time, and who doesn’t want to mindlessly follow the crowd.

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