I had another photo
ready for this piece… then I opened my fortune cookie.
For a man used to being
in control, I found myself lost and lacking confidence. This is not who I
am. I couldn’t even bring myself to climb an 8-foot ladder for fear of
falling. What was happening to me?
I felt constantly beaten
down, even though looking back I was still getting things done. Simple tasks
like going to the store, buying a plant, and planting it felt surprisingly
difficult. It seems almost childish now, but at the time it was very real.
When that plant started growing, it brought a genuine smile to my face.
Growing anything in the desert is a challenge, so this small success felt
like a real win. And right now, I’m taking every win I can get.
A couple of days ago I
finally felt like I was starting to regain control. Yesterday was the first
day I truly felt productive. The deep exhaustion from the last seven months
is slowly giving way to hope and a little joy.
I finished the necessary
business in Arizona and spent a couple of days catching up on replies to all
of you who have been so kind and supportive during this time of grieving.
I’ve also been trying to make new friends outside my development. Progress
has been slow, but I’m confident it will come with time.
There’s a noticeable
difference between the U.S. and Mexico when it comes to connecting with
people. In Chapala, it’s easy — people stop and chat as you walk around. In
the States, people tend to be more guarded. I can only speak from my own
experience.
I’ve returned to Chapala
from the desert heat and plan to stay for a month or so while I arrange an
Asia trip for early to mid-October. Having a completely open calendar is
still an adjustment. Two very comfortable home bases with good kitchens and
outdoor grills are tempting, but I need new stimulus and new stories.
While here, I hope to
rebuild more confidence. Then I’ll return to Arizona for a few cooler weeks
before flying one-way to Asia. After a couple of months on the road I
usually miss cooking my own meals, so I’ll likely come back. Looking further
ahead, there’s the Caribbean in winter and Europe next year.
I was even offered a
chance to sail on a 204-foot sailboat from the Canary Islands to the
Caribbean in November, but I can’t make that commitment yet. I’m still
rebuilding.
All in all, I am making
progress — slowly regaining my life, even if it looks different than before.
