Retire Early Lifestyle
Retirement; like your parents, but way cooler

In 1991 Billy and Akaisha Kaderli retired at the age of 38. Now, into their 4th decade of this financially independent lifestyle, they invite you to take advantage of their wisdom and experience.

Coping with Separation

Mark Giles

One of the biggest crises that we might go through in life, among all of the death and taxes, is divorce. Separating from someone you have professed to love for all time is not easy. You map out what you want for your life and when that changes, you can’t imagine ever doing anything else or being with anyone else.

That doesn't mean that you have to be alone, but you do have to know how to cope and get through the separation and all of the stress of dealing with a child support lawyer and a divorce attorney. It’s not easy. It’s not going to be pretty. You’re going to grieve the marriage and the life you thought you’d have - and that will take time. So, with that in mind, here are some tips on how to cope with separation.

Image source: Pexels

•       Let it hurt. Divorce can feel like a death. It feels like the death of all of the hopes and the dreams that you had for your life, which means you have to get through it as if you are grieving someone who has died. You have to give yourself the right time to process the emotions you're feeling to heal from what's happened and to remind yourself that you do still have a future and a life ahead of you. That can often be the hardest part because remembering that you do have a life is important.  

•       Surround yourself with support. You need a support group, whether that's your friends, your family, or an actual support group for people going through divorce if you want to get through it. Without the right support, you're going to really struggle because you're going to be left by yourself to stew on how you feel. You can consider professional help if you are truly struggling to cope, but when you do that you're going to remind yourself that you can get through this. It's just going to take some time. I suppose that's the hardest part of going through a separation is that divorce is usually the inevitability and you have to learn how to cope again.

•       Don't forget about self-care. More than ever, you need to continue with your usual self-care and caring routines. Don't stop showering, don't stop washing your hair, and don't stop brushing your teeth. Often people going through a divorce will settle into that kind of a depression where they neglect themselves, but this is the part where you need to start putting yourself first for a change. Consider meditation and an exercise class to get you out of the house and make sure that you are avoiding transfer addiction with the person that you loved to alcohol or drugs.

•       Get a great legal team around you. From somebody to help you with child support to somebody to get you through the fine details of a divorce, you need a good legal team around you so that you don't feel so alone. You will probably also think about changing your name. Doing a name change in California can be a complicated process, so it's best to leave it to professionals instead of trying to DIY if you're not sure what you need to do. 

Retire Early Lifestyle appeals to a different kind of person – the person who prizes their independence, values their time, and who doesn’t want to mindlessly follow the crowd.

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